Saturday, May 03, 2008

Teves' Grand Central Station

When I was a teenager, my Mom would answer the phone and say, "Grand Central Station?" when my friends would call all day and all night. Well, the TEVES house is always Grand Central Station. Due to the constant traffic, I've learned over the years to be "red carpet fabulous" in a matter of minutes. (Thank goodness for my Orchestra bus training of putting my makeup on in the dark!)

Miles often walks in the door and says, "So and so from the _____ production is coming over with so and so and they will be here in an hour." (Here's where the fear and the dread come in...) A few years back I would have needed that much time JUST for MAKEUP. See, this was me in the morning. Do you see the look of FEAR?

When I met Miles I didn't OWN a pair of actual athletic shoes. (The rhinestone encrusted rocketdogs didn't count he said!) I would run around trying to look my best and have the house just so.

I still try to have the house looking nice, but I never thought I'd answer the door in workout pants, a sweaty tank top and a skinned elbow and say,

"Dude! What's up! Come on in!" joking.. I joking. I only talk that way SOMETIMES!

I don't care anymore if people see me without my makeup. I let that go a few years back when a well known makeup artist complimented me on how well I covered up a flaw. (Obviously, not well enough!) I have been Hollywood-ized, but in a good way.

Hollywood makes you get into shape for one. If you are an actress, your body IS your business... so even Fag Hags like me have to work out. And with my "all or nothing" point of view, I chose swimming, hiking and KICKboxing, hence the skinned elbow. (Miss Congeniality FBI Fantasies again). BTW, go see IRONMAN! More on that later...

(Here's me in my CSI gear)

Hollywood also teaches you to speak fast on your feet. If a camera is in your face, you'd better be funny AND sexy AND smart. Which is where Miss Fabulous Lorraine comes in. This WOMAN can make anything funny. She can get a room laughing and clapping with just a mic, no instrument or sexual hook needed. Trollops in LA can't even fathom that one! She has been my BFF and PR mentor for the last 4 years. Yeah, I can sing, act and be sexy...even funny if I know you...but Fablo can do it anytime, anywhere. I am so lucky to have such an educated NUT as a friend. When you see me crack a joke on stage or on the blog, it's probably thanks to Dev, that is...unless it's explicit and rank, then it's mine. Look at who I live with! Lorraine lives a very busy life as well and she does it with such class. No one ever dies or gets poisoned or disappears and comes back with one less toe. Yes, I still have a lot to learn from the Dev.

Anyway, thanks for making this Blog so fun and lively Lorraine!

Love ya Deva!

The absent, busy Madame Malena Mim

Friday, May 02, 2008

Bees and Bengals

The first thing you need to do for your Total Bee Expierence is nip over to the Birdchick's Blog and read her post. She gives a detailed step by step account in which you will no doubt learn a great deal more than my account, which goes something like We Were So Covered In Bees!!!!!!

After you have read The Birdchick's account, come back and we will speak further.

Cool, wasn't it?

I have to say tho, in a way, I kind of missed the terror, and chaos of last year. After we got done last year, I felt as if we had Done Something huge, (think Trial By Fire) and we were not the same people, Something had changed forever.

This year it was very much, ho-hum, yes, Covered in Bees, in you go Darlings, get to work.....Strange.

I went down this morning to un-block the entrances (you block them so the bees will get the idea that this is their new digs) and of course, they had already taken care of this (not real effective, apparently) and the Kelli hive was buzzing away, and when I opened the top, and looked into the feeder box, bees were feeding nicely.

In the Mimi hive tho, it was silent, and when I looked in no one was feeding. Just a couple bees flying around outside. I was not wearing a bee suit, so I was kind of nervous to go deeper into the hive, into the brood box and take a look, I'm a brave women, but not insane. We will have to see what happens. I dropped the Bridchick a note, and we will see what she has to say.

Moving away from Bees, and onto Fiends from Hell (IE Bengals) I got a note from the Great Lakes Bengal Rescue Accoc, which I am a member of, that there is a Kitty in need of rescue and a foster home. I may be getting a new friend for a short time, poor thing. The GLBR takes in Bengals that people need to give up for whatever reason, mostly because people get these cats and then find out they are WAY more cat than they bargained for. The are not Cute Little Kitties with Spots. The are super smart, way high energy, on the go Fiends. They can and will leap entertainment centers in a single bound, open cupboards, remove the entire contents of your purse in seconds and if you are eating, they WANT some of it, and No is not an option.

We have also spoken of what can happen if you don't get out of bed soon enough to feed them.

That all being true and said, they will also love you. Totally and completely and forever. It's so worth it. If you are thinking of getting a Bengal, check them out, a kitten from a breeder will start at $600, but there are many, many Bengals waiting to be adopted, and the fee is only $150. (Warning: If you go and look at the list of waiting Bengals, and see the pictures, your heart will crack in two)

I ordered them a one of these today from the Catwheel Company....A sound investment I am thinking. The Wheel was DEVELOPED for Bengals, in truth.

If you find yourself bored today, or with too much time on your hands, go to You Tube and search Bengal Wheel. Hours of fun. (Trust me, I've done it) How fun is this, tho? I am going to have to learn how to post Video. Freaky Venus Seaweed and Madame Malena Mim, Internet Stars!

Love, Bees and Bengals,

Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Starting out with not much and ending up really interesting...

At some point, I will no doubt get back to talking about music, and books and truly exciting things, but sadly, no not today. Tho I am of the opinion that just because nothing is going on and I am stuck in the country ( instead of attending movie premiers and touring around with Duran Duran, and writing best selling Werewolf novels and hanging in Tasmania like my more exciting friends ) with all these animals, that is no reason not to tell you all about it.

Cabel did well yesterday. He didn't exactly admit that Zoe isn't so bad and, really, he does love her, but, hey, he didn't kill her. Progress I say. He obeyed, but QUIVERED the whole time as if to say "LOOK IT IS A CAT I CAN KILL IT FOR YOU! YOU ARE SO WEIRD WHY ARE YOU STOPPING ME!"

He also did very very well in his Canine Good Citizen class. Then prom ply came home and chased a herd of deer across the road, across the field, thru the woods....I could not leave this Doofus to his own romping, as it was getting DARK and there is the road and all, so I spent the better part of an hour and a half hiking in the dark, calling him.

Had to laugh tho, when he finally came back he had the biggest grin on his dog face and said" H there you are! Isn't this the BEST???"



Merry Housekeeper just rang my doorbell. And handed me a SLIP from the post office.

She is generally most willing to pick up most packages but this slip says simply....


No. Says she.

Ok. I can do this. Go to the post office and pick up three boxes of Bees.

Call the Birdchick. Birdchick is banding birds somewhere in Minnesota.

What next? Tea. Clearly a cup of tea. No Milk. Ok.

Nice neighbours next door do things like go to the grocery store, I am sure of it. They will have milk. Excellent. Now I have tea.

(Meanwhile, Merry Housekeeper, unable to restrain herself, has dusted the entire first floor of my house and has moved on to vacuuming, while waiting for me to get my act together. Cool.)

Back to Bees.

I do love my job and truly, but I can't help but wonder how many Personal Assistants to Serious Talent out there are called upon to do things like, Go To The Post Office and Pick Up Bees.....

To be continued...

Love and Bees,

Monday, April 28, 2008

The Truth About Cats and Dogs and Bees...

We had the first meeting between Cabel the Dog and Zoe the Cat today. Two meetings, actually. Very fun. They seem to adore each other. Such a sweet bonding experience it was. He is so protective of her, and she cuddles him so sweetly. They ate side by side, Cabal carefully picking out bits of meat and offering them to Zoe.

Or not.

What actually happened was Cabel tried his best to get to Zoe and kill her, and Zoe for her part told us we all sucked. Still, not bad for a first day. I made him sit stay and told him LEAVE IT. For the second meeting I put the muzzle on and let them get a bit closer, and he lunged and she swiped with her claws of doom. Noone got hurt, and I put the fear of God into the dog. I used the She Who Must Obeyed Voice and said SIT STAY LEAVE IT BAD BAD BAD DOG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He sat. He stayed. He left it and then lay down on his side and showed me his belly. Which, from all my reading and watching Dog Whisperer shows, is a Good Thing. It he knows he did wrong and I am the Pack Leader. Dog Whisperer says when they submit and relax, that is the state you want them in. We will keep working. I cuddled Zoe and gave her her food, and told the dog he was wonderful and we will try again tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow. ( Macbeth just might murder sleep )

I must say, the whole Dog Thing is very different from the Cat Thing I am used to. With the cats when they pee on you in bed, you say you are very sorry you didn't get up sooner and feed them. If the dog ever tried that.......

Speaking of cats, Freaky Venus Seaweed and Madame Malena Mim went to the vet today. Venus did her usual Great Escape and ran thru, up, down and all over the clinic, getting everyone involved in the chase. People were cheering her, and laughing so hard. Hmmph.

Mim is getting her spaying tomorrow. She is now 6 months old and it is time. I didn't think it would be quite that fast tho and now I am in the throes of OH MY POOR BABY!!! I know it needs to be done, but it's hard to see the little cuteness (ok, or Demon from Hell) have to go thru it.

The Bees are coming on Thursday or Friday. Three Boxes of Bees. I will need to go and pick them up from the post office as the postman declines to transport them all out to the house, seeing as how they are crafty little fliers and a few always manage to escape. I am very popular at the post office. Not sure how this will work in the Prius tho. I am going to feel REAL silly going in in my bee suit, but I sure as heck aren't driving home Covered in Bees without one.

The Birdchick also told me she has signed us up to be on the Swarm Patrol. This means when a flock of bees swarms (which means half of them leave the hive with the Queen and go looking for a new home) and end up in someones garage or back yard and THEY call the police or park people or whomever, they call US and we go and get them and re-hive them.

It's good to have friends, I say.

Life, is not dull.

Love and Dogs and Cats and Bees,

Sunday, April 27, 2008

Dogs and Ponies and Heart, Oh My!

I took Dog today to the MN Horse Expo, which turned out to be a much better idea than it might first sound. It was all REALLY new to him, and as far as smells go, he found plenty. We got to put into practice all the things we have been learning in Canine Good Citizen Class, meeting and greeting, leash walking with out going berserk, letting new people pet you ( him, not me ) and just being in a place where there is a LOT going on.

We made a LOT of new friends.

For my part I got to see the most magic Horse Thing ever. My favourite horse is the Friesen, and the last act of the Expo was four Friesens who wore, well, long tubes of light, down their legs, along their manes and tails. The lights in the stadium were off and they danced and pranced, like some sort of scene from a futuristic movie.

I also fell head over heels in LOVE. Kid you not. A friend of ours had the most beautiful horse, tall, long mane and tail, white and chestnut paint. Half Friesen and half Saddlebred. He loved me too, which Cabel the Dog did not like. I left the Dog with my friends daughter when I went to cuddle with the Nice Horsie and that was the only time he freaked. The horsie's owner fell in love with Cabel the Dog, and I offered a straight up trade, as the nice Horsie was, of course, for sale.

She didn't go for it. Said the nice Horsie was $10,000. I tried to explain that was slightly less than the nice Doggie was worth, but it didn't go far. Boss might not have liked it either.

Nice Horsie tho.

Tomorrow I am going to start introducing Cabel the Dog to Zoe the Cat. Zoe, you may recall has been living in my extra room, on a diet. We are hoping to change Cabel's evil Cats Must Die attitude and have them live in peace and harmony. Slow process, I am thinking. I have been rubbing Zoe with a towel and then taking it and rubbing Cabel with it, and working on putting the cat scented towel down and doing LEAVE IT at Cabel, which is going well.

The introductions will be Very Controlled. I have been reading everything I can find online, but if anyone out there has any advice, I'd love to hear it.

And finally, thanks to Miss Kitty and her hanging out with Gods of the 80's and a late night phone call with the Mighty Kimbo ( Director of our very nearly done video ) I am going out east in August to see Journey, HEART and Cheap Trick! Me and the Mighty Kimbo, three bands, one show! Heart. THERE is my youth. I never got to see them live, and apparently, they are back again. Open air theater, dancing in the sun!

I can't wait!

Love, Dogs, Ponies, and Heart,