Walk in the Woods

Music begins.

Walk in the Woods

A short blogisode by...

Dark Sonnet now plays distinctively in the background.

Lorraine Garland, Executive producer

Monty Teves, family psycho killer dog, (one of three)

and a special appearance by

MALENA "the Mercenary"TEVES, freelance neighborhood private "security" gun totten nutjob.

(V.O) Malena _camera pans around dark hills and trees_

I've always wanted to take Lorraine out one of my "walks in the woods" to show her a different side of me. A spookier side she had not seen. I wanted her to see the spirits of the night, in my woods where the coyotes howl and the dogs cry.....

MALENA stops the camera to spout off....

"Today she's teaching me how to train my beefy bug eyes freak into submission, instead of killing everything that moves.

Lorraine agreed, knowing that my "nocturnal energy" had kicked in, I would not take no for an answer anyway, until last night where she CLAIMS I was asleep on the couch before 10.

No, that was Cousin It. Not me, no. Do you see any fluffy leather rhinestone or velvet around? It WASN'T ME MAN! My goodness, LOOK at that raggedy cotton blanket! Would this Hollywood dork, I mean Diva (Freudian slip there) wrap her "curvaciously seductive" body in just anything? And what is that creature? "

(Lorraine tries to bring her back to the story of the night, the WALK IN THE WOODS! We are shooting a LaM blogisode! )

"This is important for your career Malena! So, we were walking in the woods or what?"

Lorraine shouts!

(V.O resumes)

I slither through the trees. I stalk the streets. I hunt the hunters. And the woods obey"

SUPERHERO SHOT of the Dork insert here.

Background music begins____

( Something spooky written by Neil Gaiman. Have you heard of him? We like that guy! You MUST check him out, really!)

TO BE CONTINUED. For promotional purposes only. All rights reserved.

LaM and the peace movement of Topanga

Ah LA. A whole different Beastie it is. I love it here, tho there are some decidedly odd thigns about the town. This morning a man walked buy with his dog and I said " Hello Good Morning " and Malena came out and asked WHO are you talking to and WHY did they answer back???

( It turned out he was the Man With The Great Dane " and he was KNOWN for answering back or even initionating a Good Morning Himself , on occasion. )

I have NO brain. This town is non stop 24 hour Pah-te and Malena and I didn't get to sleep until 4, 6 for me ( the next time i hot the darn cAPS LOCK on this space age glow in the dark Vampire keyboard, I am going to Jolly Well leave it ON until I notice and NOT go back and re-type ) and we had to be up for another event at 6:00am.

( ok, so the evening event took place IN MY SLUMBER PARTY BEDROOM ( SEEE???? ) and consisted of me , Malena and a whole lot of talk and the 6:00am event involved getting her daughter off to school, but its all in how you tell it.

I have been teaching her Freaky Bat Frog Dog to walk with the Gentle Leader, and am considering a new carreer as Hot Chick Dog Whisperer, which frpm what I know about this town, and the fact that I am WAY hotter than Ceaser Milan , will be a WAY bigger hit than Dog Whisperer.

A lot of funny things happened, but darned if I remember. I think Vampire girl fell asleep on the couch so I am going to wake her and have her re-mind me. Or finish this .

( I may well regret this, as if I can GET her up, she will not go BACK to sleep for hours and it will be me trying to stay awake.)

Hmmph. Declining to wake she is, ah well , she has been REALLY busy this past month and hasn't slept more than a few hours each night. I wonder if there is any chance she will sleep the night thru? ( I sound like a new mother or something! )

I shall get back at her by doing my own post until she wakes...And let you in on some of things you don't get to hear on our regularly scheduled blog, private intimate details of, uh, Malena's Crypt.

( that'll learn her! )

I have no camera so, you will have to use your imaginations....The first thing I notice is that her monitor is perched on top of Huge Art Book. ( there are a lot of them around here. ) This one seems to be on " Michelangelo " which goes a long way to answering a few nagging questions.

The cd on the top of the pile seems to be " The Eagles Greatest Hits" ( which goes a long way to ASKING a lot of nagging questions )

There are no answers here in the Crypt, only questions...( cue music )

Someone seems to have sent her a Halloween Card for every day of October. Hmmm....I look at the handwriting and it is all the same, and oddly enough, very familiar...

Malena woke for a moment, but we may be too sleepy now to continue, she says tell them I love them and tell them about that really fuuny thing that happened.

And so I will.

Tomorrow.

Love, Lorraine a' Malena

First Snow!

First snow of the year today! Which entranced me, filled me with delight and brought gladness to my soul.

For about ten minutes. Ugh. Winter is SERIOUS in this part of the world, no messing around. It's going to be me, my couch and my fire until spring! ( I mean, if I wasn't in the Bahama's...)

Here's a picture of my porch:



And another of the sculpture that I did with Merry Housekeeper in the yard before leaving work:



We were trying to do the Unicorn Stardust, but it looks more like an Army Dude with a machine arm. Ah well, I have other skills.

( and for you Weather Geeks out there, I know they said we only got a few " flurries " but this IS what it looked like in my mind...)

I am off for a few days in LA tomorrow, after work, which in my mind is a Good Thing. Malena is there, and it is unlikely to snow. Both assets to the place, I am thinking. What more does a girl need? I am bringing both Kitties and the Dog, for some added enjoyment.

Love and snow,

Lorraine