Thursday, November 17, 2005

You know you're in LA when.....

in September you see 90 pound girls in fur snow boots, bikini tops and ass cheek baring skirts with sun glasses bigger than they are...talking on a cell phone saying, "Oh my God Jen it's like soo cold!"

people ask you "What are you working on" instead of "How are you today"

a million dollars won't buy you a 3 bedroom house

a size 8 is considered "too fat to do films"

30 miles an hour on the freeway bumper to bumper is considered "moving quite nicely"

marriage and divorce is a money making operation

someone offers you cocaine as an "acting tool"

your waiter sings and dances with out being asked

straight men get pedicures and use more hair products than you

you tell someone "nice dress" and they tell you what show it's from

7 out of 10 cars on the road are FAT SUV's, driven by women on cell phones with no kids.

you see women over 70 at the gym with better bodies than your babysitter

you call 911 and get put on hold for 45 minutes

cold means 50 degrees

you cook thanksgiving dinner and even the men don't eat because they "don't eat carbs", but everyone drinks like fish!

Ok ok, you know I love LA and it's my home. But these are ALL true. We're livin' it up at the hotel California! I feel so normal. hee hee


At 4:05 PM , Blogger Appleblossombeck said... the one about cocaine really true? I feel like such a country mouse right now if it is.

At 4:25 PM , Blogger Malena Medium Cool said...

yeah. it's true. You don't see it as much now as in the early 90's but still...
JUST SAY NO! My rule is ACT! Why put your body through the torture? Just act... What a novel idea for an actress, ah?

At 4:40 PM , Blogger Appleblossombeck said...

Huh...'cause, you know, people on cocaine act so naturally...riiight. I think too many people confuse acting with drama, as in the high school kind.

At 6:28 PM , Blogger Malena Medium Cool said...

MANY LA women are FULL of drama. People are always shocked when they see my photos. They say, "Wow, I didn't know you could look like that. You are always so, well...plain." HAAAAaa I love it. Malena incognito...the bond girl behind the mumu. Coming soon HBO.

At 6:52 PM , Blogger Appleblossombeck said...

Well, the size 8 thing is really hilarious because as far as I can tell they still idolize Marilyn Monroe, and she was what, a size 12?

At 8:24 PM , Blogger Maureen said...

I'm an LA fan. I have a ton of fun/happy memories from trips out there... not to mention clothes. I still have a KNAC t-shirt around here somewhere, from back in the day. And a Cathouse lounge shirt. And a Old Ghost shirt (which make make more sense to Miss Kitty than anyone else). Shopping, beaches and El Pollo Loco! I'd even take 50 degree weather right now; it's an improvement over ours (20-ish).

At 6:20 AM , Blogger K said...

Goodness me.

Although - the first one? You can see girls like that out on the town at any time of the year in Britain (maybe not in a bikini, but skimpy tops that are about as insulating!) I've heard them called "invisible-coat girls" because that's the only explanation for why they don't freeze solid. They're wearing invisible coats...

There's a male version in jeans and FCUK shortsleeve t-shirt with nothing over it, even in November.

Mind you, everyone over the age of 19 or so thinks they're bonkers.

At 6:35 AM , Blogger Dan Guy said...

I found my week in L.A. most disconcerting. I'd be walking down the street and see what appeared to be a hot young thing several blocks away walking towards me, only to discover a petite grandmother once we got closer. Freaking crypto-grandmas in their teen fashions...

At 7:52 AM , Blogger Van said...

You know you're in LA when...
Tt is July and you check into your hotel near UCLA at well over $150 a night to find out not only does it not have AC but there is a brain matter stain still on the wall.

At 9:52 AM , Blogger adriana said...

These LA sayings are all frighteningly true!! And I somehow we still manage to live here and laugh our asses off about it.

Lorraine, thanks for the nice words about it, we REALLY appreciate it!!!! The album comes out for real on this coming Tuesday, November 22nd. We will be launching a completely re-designed website at that time and links to buy the new album @

At 10:21 AM , Blogger Fabulous Lorraine said...

It's all true about LA, I have seen it all since I have been going out there...BUT , its does not snow there, or get below zero....'nuff said

At 2:14 AM , Blogger Kitty Cat said...

oh Maureen you little doll! bringing the Old Ghost back up, John Grigley would kiss you, just kiss you!
we must crank call him, he would Love it.
LA takes a while to let you into her shell, but come on kids, crawl in, and we will tell you a gory story.
can i get a WhoopWhoop for Lorraine'aMalena!!!
thank you ladies for bringing us all together.
ok, now i am really hitting the hay. goodnight ladies.
xoxox miss kitty

At 12:50 PM , Blogger Issy said...

I thought cold there was 60 degrees. I know when my Ex's folks visited us fvom LA they thought it was freezing here and the temperature was in the mid 60's the whole time.

At 7:16 PM , Blogger Malena Medium Cool said...

LA is my home and I love it here. Hey, Dan Guy, Crypto grandma if a common sight. As much as I b&^ch and moan, I'm always happy to come home to Hotel California. He hee We should all plan a trip to Disneyland. Can you imagine all of us, dressed in black and corsets at the gate. They'd say, "Hey it's not bats day yet!" Bats day is Goth day at Disneyland. IT's in August. Mr. Gorgeous and I didn't make it this year, but Bernie Wrightson and his wife went and said it rocked. We must have a LaM party soon. I miss my Peoples!


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