Sunday, July 06, 2008

My Day in Church

Let me start this by saying that I completely and totally support ALL religions and the choice for everyone to choose which one works best for them. Or to go ahead and make up their own, doesn't matter, it's a personal thing.

I was hired today to play in a band, outdoors in a park, where three Lutheran Churches were gathered to have a big celebrate together sort of thing. The music, as it turns out was great, but I started off a bit nervously tho everyone was really nice. There was a little of the "Who are you," vibe going on (Lasted till I started playing.) but it wasn't too bad, I think they were just nervous. I wasn't, tho I hadn't heard the music, if you can count 1,3,5, 7 and Sus, you can play anything.

I did get a little nervous tho when the service started. It opened with everyone saying:

(and I am taking this from the program, NOT paraphrasing)

"We poor sinners confess to you that we have sinned: We have worshiped other Gods, we have dis-honored your name, we have neglected true worship, we have dishonored our parents, we have treated life as cheap, we have betrayed our loved ones, stolen, lied and coveted what is not ours. And other things known only to You."

WHOA! I thought, (barely remembering in time that this was NOT an improv gig or my stage, and I should keep this to my inside voice) You managed all that JUST this past week??? Ye gads, I have fallen among miscreants!!!!!!

Then they offered me wine.

I thought a moment about giving them a little info on how wine very often wasn't the BEST idea about how to save yourself, relieve stress, and feel joyful, yes, it does WORK, but can land you in some trouble too....But the guitar player saved me, by taking mine discreetly after I told him wine-wine was a Bad Idea.

That being said, the music was REALLY fun. The players were all really good, piano, guitar, bass, drums, me and two Vox. Mostly I stayed in the background, adding bits here and there, but when we got to the last song, a kicked up version of Joyful Joyful (Beethoven's Ode to Joy for you purists out there) I thought oh yeah Whhhee-hoo, love this song, and then the leader guy after a couple singing verses nodded at me and the piano and said TAKE IT, which means WHHHEEEHHHOOO in my book!

Surprised the heck out of that congregation. Beethoven rocks. And so, do the Lutherans.

Only, remember, that bit at the end, the Ode to Joy, when you were tapping your feet, singing and rocking and even dancing, that's what makes God happy. Enough with the miserable sinner bits.

Love and joy,


At 9:36 AM , Blogger spacedlaw said...

(although a nice glass of wine doesn't come amiss - if it doesn't come in a gang of them - but that's my personnal religion).
Weren't you also supposed to play for bikers too?

At 10:48 AM , Blogger Kitty Cat said...

our multi-faceted Quiche.
so proud of you, sister.

At 10:56 AM , Blogger FabulousLorraine said...

I got it all mixed up, the Bikers are NEXT Sunday. The Mighty Kimbo, who directed our vid will be there for that one. This make me laugh for some reason.

And go on with yourselves and the wine, beer or whiskey, I have always thought there is just as much joy and religion in a Pub as a Church. Perhaps more.

It's all about making people happy. About being happy, and knowing how very cool you are!

(I have always thought perhaps God might be getting a little weary of the whole miserable sinner thing, and perhaps is even now drafting an e-mail to the effect of:

"HEY! Look, dudes, I made you in my image, and I rock. Go and have some fun! Enough with how bad you are, you aren't bad, you're cool, enjoy my world!!!!! BFF, God!")

At 11:12 AM , Blogger Will Shetterly said...

Damn! Sorry I wasn't there. Music sounds like a hoot. As for the bit you quoted, I think you ran into some extreme Lutherans. I hope they had a whole lot of talk about metaphorical language before you arrived.

At 11:16 AM , Blogger Phiala said...

Music is happy. Wine can be happy, especially in the sense of "share bread and wine with your companions", which really can be anything. Joint confession of horribleness, though? I'm not so sure about that!

Gee, a girl goes away for a week with no internet, and all kinds of things happen around here!

At 11:19 AM , Blogger ivenotime said...

wow seriously - i'm lutheran and that isn't where we go :) there are different synods tho - for instance I am in evangelical lutheran churches of america but was baptized missouri synod (which is stricter). to my knowledge wisconsin synod (which doesnt mean its just in wisconsin) is extremely strict - they don't even recognize you as a lutheran if you are from another synod. that type of divisiveness REALLY bothers me. glad it turned out well, tho!

At 11:19 AM , Blogger ivenotime said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

At 11:20 AM , Blogger Bulfinch's Aglaia said...

That confession thing? That's barely a morning's work for me!! Signed, Miss Creant :-)
(being a sleep-deprived goofball here, *not* making fun of Lutherans)

At 11:22 AM , Blogger Bulfinch's Aglaia said...

Actually, that sounds really interesting and I'm glad you rocked Beethoven out!! You live such a varied life and you do it all well and with such good will and patience toward others! A good example, that.

At 11:22 AM , Blogger Bulfinch's Aglaia said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

At 2:41 PM , Blogger ariandalen said...

::SIGH:: That opening reminds me of the time the local Society for Creative Anachronism shire did a demo for the Children/Youth class at a "nondenominational" church. We did our demo and were packing up, but it was taking longer than the church leader wanted to wait. The lights were turned down and an overhead projector with verses to a song were turned on. The leader and kids started singing one of the most offensive songs I think I've ever heard. It was all about how everyone was going to Hell but them, listing each religion and other denominations of Christianity. Did I say that they had children singing this song, cheerfully.

I don't know if that particular church still exists as that demo was 15 or more years ago.

ANYWAY...glad you ended up having a good time and making people happy!

At 2:42 PM , Blogger gaypet said...

Well, I should probably stay out of this one but I won't. ;)

I was raised in the "what a worm am I" religion and it's pretty destructive stuff. When you teach a child that they are so evil that God Himself had to suffer and die so that the child won't have to burn for eternity, it messes with self esteem pretty seriously. Being happy in the here-and-now was not something that we were even supposed to consider. We could have been Job after all!

I realize that there are a lot of religious people who are very kind and concerned about human suffering and are all about "peace, love, and understanding" so I am not trying to dis religious people. Just saying that much of the "sinner" rhetoric is very hurtful.

I do love a lot of the music though. Glad you had a good time playing it.

At 2:50 PM , Blogger FabulousLorraine said...

Hi Will, I think you are right.

It's sad what something so lovely can get twisted into. Children should be raised to know how beautiful and wonderful they are, and whatever you would like to call your belief, should be the same thing.

I should stress that ALL religions have both good and bad people.

I am glad that the music made them feel so good, as no one had seen anything odd in what the pastors were saying, I wonder if they listen????

At least they heard the music.

At 3:13 PM , Blogger Malena said...

David gave me this quote from Marianne Williamson I think you will enjoy.

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?
We were born to make manifest the glory of Fod that is whithin us. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same."

I've sang in a few churches in my time and loved it, except the "you are a sinner" nonsense. Well, I saw a great t-shirt in the Pyramid Collection catalog that said,
"All saints have a past and all sinners have a future."
I agree.

At 3:21 PM , Blogger FabulousLorraine said...

I knew she would say just the right thing. In fact, I just sent her a note asking her to, and found that not only had she already done so, but had written her own bit of Magic over at

It so happens like that wit us, so often.

I will laugh a bit with her at the typo "Glory of Fod" if we can take over the world with a Bengal alliance, why not found a new religion?

Beautifully said tho, my dear.....

At 3:30 PM , Blogger ariandalen said...

;) That's just Fodder for the masses. ;)

At 3:31 PM , Blogger FabulousLorraine said...

Oh well said, she says, snorting tea.....

Can we get tee shirts?

At 3:53 PM , Blogger ivenotime said...

beautifully said malena, tho the glory of fod had me laughing so hard the dog is looking at me as if i am nuts. yes, let us be just like fod.....

At 5:12 PM , Blogger Hera said...

I am weeks behind on this blog so I just wanted to pop in and say hello :) planning on catching up but it's been madness ;) am back in Iceland after Glastobury - which was amazing! and am about to go on tour again.. am far too used t having the internet constantly..

Hoping you got the package? ;)

and.. some pictures from Glastonbury and a couple (my first and very goofy) videoblogs are up on check out the mermaids! xoxox!Hera

At 5:17 PM , Blogger FabulousLorraine said...

Yes, Hera, you do indeed have some catching up to do!!!!! Kitty is going off on tour too. You need to hire HER for your tour manager, truly. It would be best for both of you.

YES! We did get the package and I am horrid not to have written! LOve the cd, as always, your music rocks. Can't wait to see the pics. I'd play Glastonbury in a second!

At 5:19 PM , Blogger Aleta said...

It sounds like a mostly lovely experience. Cool.

Even back when I was a practicing Christian I went in a different direction with the whole "we are all sinners" thing. I always took it as a caution against being judgmental; a warning that all humans are capable of doing bad things, making bad choices, making mistakes and therefore we should not spend our time judging others. "You who are without sin cast the first stone" and "look at the plank in your own eye before you point out the splinter in the eye of another" That sort of thing.

It was never really about "I am only a lowly worm" sort of thinking for me -- at least not on the conscious level.

That does not seem to be the way much (if not most) of Christendom has chosen to think about it though. That is part of what caused me to take a step back from that scene.


All that said I do know that there are plenty of Christians that don't get too caught up in that sort of thinking. I have nothing against the religion as a whole or in and of itself -- like you said Lorraine, good and bad in all of them!

At 7:45 PM , Blogger ivenotime said...

oh and malena - pls don't take offense that i laughed so hard over the typo of fod - i've had a few trials of late and haven't laughed like that in ages and ages and it was wonderfully restorative. what a splendid gift, thank you, i think we should start a new movement, with laughter and joy being key.

At 7:55 PM , Blogger FabulousLorraine said...

I agree, we aren't laughing at Fod, we are embracing it , An entire new movement based on being happy and loving and cool and great music, and rain.

(We need rain. Storms keep missing us. Just missing us...)

And cats and dogs.

And sleeping late.

And wee mousies for Bengals so they will stay out of my purse.

And skeletons out of every closet and openly in every room!!!!!!

People from everywhere will join us, and no one will ever be made to feel badly.

At 8:28 PM , Blogger gaypet said...

"And skeletons out of every closet and openly in every room!!!!!!"

I love that so much it almost made me cry! Amen sister!

I believe we are all animals and are all capable of great, wonderful and/or terrible things. Let us all just care for each other and do our best not to do harm! No matter what we call ourselves or where we are on Sunday morning.

Blessed BE!

At 8:30 PM , Blogger Aleta said...

Sign me up! The Church of the Laughing Loving Fod sounds like a good place to feed the Spirit!

At 8:45 PM , Blogger FabulousLorraine said...

Sounds good to me. Leave it to Malena, every time!

Who would have thought we would all be going to church this Sunday and loving it????

Tho we will remember Fod every day....

At 9:20 PM , Blogger ariandalen said...

"I believe in Fod, the Fodder Almighty, Bringer of Joy and Silliness, and in Theobroma Its greatest Daughter, Our Lady. Who was conceived in the New World, born of the Maya, transported by Cortez, was hidden, guarded and grown. After a century, She was given to the Swiss, who added milk and made the greatest confection known.

I believe in the Whole Grain, the Wholly Nutritious Meal, the Communion of Friends, the Forgiveness of Belches, the Resurrection of the Giggles, and the Life Enjoyed.



At 9:23 PM , Blogger ariandalen said...

"You've got to
Live a little,
Give a little,
And even sing the blues, a little.
That's the story of,
That's the Glory of Fod!"

I'm sorry. ::snort, giggle:: I just couldn't resist.

At 9:37 PM , Blogger FabulousLorraine said...

Gods, I mean Fods, you make me laugh. Likely you will end up a Priestess of Fod....

At 12:06 AM , Blogger Malena said...

WOW! What a typo can do in 12 hours or less. Of all the times I had to do a typo it was on the best quote ever. Ha haaaa
We are all high preistesses of Fod. Hey, major religions have been built on wayyyyy less.

I will miss Kitty as she leaves on tour. I'm slowly putting up the products. earrings are on the list for SURE! Wait till you see them all. Kitty, I should see you before you go!

The glory of Fod is within us. ha haaaaaaaaa leave it to you girls!

At 5:00 AM , Blogger Dan Guy said...

Courtesy of the great Emo Philips:

Once I saw this guy on a bridge about to jump. I said, "Don't do it!" He said, "Nobody loves me." I said, "God loves you. Do you believe in God?" He said, "Yes." I said, "Are you a Christian or a Jew?" He said, "A Christian." I said, "Me, too! Protestant or Catholic?" He said, "Protestant." I said, "Me, too! What franchise?" He said, "Baptist." I said, "Me, too! Northern Baptist or Southern Baptist?" He said, "Northern Baptist." I said, "Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist or Northern Liberal Baptist?" He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist." I said, "Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region, or Northern Conservative Baptist Eastern Region?" He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region." I said, "Me, too!"
Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1879, or Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912?" He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912." I said, "Die, heretic!" And I pushed him over.

At 5:39 AM , Blogger ivenotime said...

snort, well said Dan, and Arian, all praise be to the high priestess of Fod which made me laugh again out loud - i may just lick my problems yet with all the laughing. Yes Malena, that was the best typo ever. Laughter is truly the best medicine.

At 6:31 AM , Blogger FabulousLorraine said...

Very funny Dan!!

And I do think Malena gets the award for best typo ever.

See what we can do in 12 hours?

At 7:51 AM , Blogger pantagruel said...

'Fod' made me spit my coffee. This needs a T-shirt, and I'm just the woman for the job. ;)

At 8:22 AM , Blogger EmilyLady said...

It sounds like it must have been so much fun -- someday I'll come to Minnesota to hear you play!

Theology fascinates me.


At 8:54 AM , Blogger FabulousLorraine said...

Pantagruel, first things first, I need a flyer for my fosters, and don't know how to make them...Make them look good anyway.

Maybe someday we will come to Rhode Island, Emily!

Next weekends gigs will be fun, Kimberly Butler is coming, we record again Saturday and then the Biker Bar Sunday.

At 9:09 AM , Blogger ariandalen said...

"May the Fod be with you!"

And, of course, the phrase, "Oh, Fudge!" is a blessing. It's all in the inflection, don'tcha know. ;)

I think tees are definitely in order. Go, Val! Will we acquire them from the L'aM website, or through The Malena Collection?

At 9:13 AM , Blogger FabulousLorraine said...

We'll have to ask Malena which she would like, we can do either....

Tee's would be fun, but what do they look like and what do they say????

(They are, of course, black)

And I think they should be spooky. Some bats and moon and stars and Something Witchy.

At 9:24 AM , Blogger ariandalen said...

"A loving home for Ginger and Sabrina.

(insert picture)

Two beautiful and energetic Bengals!
These Jungle Loves need to be kept together where there is LOTS of room to run around and play.
(insert other requirements)
Contact: Ms. Fabulous
Serious Adopters Only!"

Will that do for something to work with, Ms. Fabulous? :)

At 9:43 AM , Blogger ariandalen said...


"You say, "Oh, Fudge!" like it's a bat thing."

with a purple bat, or even on a purple bat.

Front: Full moon and stars
"May the Fod be with you!"
Back: "Join the Feast""
(smaller print)

You could also have a "B" that's been crossed out before the "F" in "Feast" so you've got "Join the B/Feast," and then have a smile with fangs as a graphic.

It's a start. ;)

At 9:58 AM , Blogger pantagruel said...

I will get right on the shirt design, after meetings and other assorted stuff here at lovely Saltmine U.

At 10:00 AM , Blogger pantagruel said...

And the flyer design for the Bengals too, yes. Send me some pictures of them and I'll knock that out as well.

At 10:04 AM , OpenID kali-licious said...

What an arc, all the way from Lutherans and Beethoven to the Glory of Fod.;)

Ariandalen I LOVE those t-shirt ideas!

At 10:29 AM , Blogger FabulousLorraine said...

Me too! Those are great ideas!

There is always Malena's original typo....

We were born to make manifest the glory of Fod that is whithin us

Let's figure this out...

The flyer is sounding good too.

At 10:36 AM , Blogger Dan Guy said...

The full Williamson quote, as I've seen it, is:

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

At 11:14 AM , Blogger ariandalen said...

Oh, Fod! somebody stop me. ;)

Anytime there is a gathering of the Followers of Fod, it's called a...

wait for it...

Manna Fest!

And, yes, we definitely need a tee with Ms. Marvelous's original typo. Perhaps with the letters being metallic or the oily finish lame, and a pair of eyes, maybe Buddha style, as a graphic.

At 12:53 PM , Blogger FabulousLorraine said...

Someone shoot Anriandalen.....

(which not to say that I don't LIKE it, Manna Fest..)

Followers of Fod. FOF. I like it.

We need to make some basic rules for our religion. First off, I think we should not have any. Be happy, make people happy, manifest good things, love yourself, listen to great music, dance.

And we will never sell the secrets of Fod, there will never be a charge for our very important secret information.

Heck will tell you, the secret is there is no secret....Be happy, make people happy.....

It ain't rocket science people, you don't have to pay huge amounts of money, confess yourself a miserable sinner, follow a strict set of rules and Fod knows what else to be HAPPY.

Just go for it.

At 12:54 PM , Blogger ivenotime said...

oooh t shirts of Fod! of course they must have a skeleton coming out of the closet. it's a natural! Praise be Fod!

At 1:05 PM , Blogger EmilyLady said...

Coming all the way to New England would certainly broaden your audience. Let me know if ever you're coming even close to Rhode Island (i.e., Mass. or Connecticut, or other New England states) and I will try to be there!

Beethoven does rock, by the way. Forgot to mention how heartily I agree with you.


At 1:07 PM , Blogger FabulousLorraine said...

Most classical music totally rocks, I love the stuff, the guys could WRITE.

Skeletons coming out of the closet! Another pillar of Fod....

At 1:25 PM , Blogger FabulousLorraine said...

I am writing an essay for next Sunday called "The Followers of Fod, beliefs and tenets for a New Religion"

It will make for some enlightening reading , no doubt. As well as tea snorting....

At 1:45 PM , Blogger ariandalen said...

Ms. Fabulous, please include in part of the Liturgy the Chocolate Ritual. Here is the URL:

Sorry, I didn't go back and learn how to make the above a link, so you'll just how to cut and paste.

At 2:30 PM , Blogger Kitty Cat said...



you all must love me so much to leave me with this opening.
DAnth, you will get it!

Quiche, i just got the little bleep bleep noise that means your NINE INCH NAILS CD is done cooking, and i have added not only some White Stripes but my favorite George Michael song :Father Figure.
guaranteed to make you cry.
but damnit, i forgot to include Duran Duran.

At 2:40 PM , Blogger FabulousLorraine said...

Chocolate. Right. I'll work that in.

Kneel Before Fod! Out of it again I am, why are we kneeling????

But hey! Duran Duran I already HAVE!!!!!

At 2:41 PM , Blogger FabulousLorraine said...

And hurrah for NIN!!!!!!!!

i want a NIN shirt too, a really OLD one, already warn, preferably by YOU MIss Kitty.

(Uh, anything I can do for you??)

At 2:52 PM , Blogger pantagruel said...


Kitty, that was terrible. In a good way, but terrible! ;)

At 6:54 PM , Blogger ivenotime said...

oooh george michael: i will be your father figure, put your tiny hand in mine.....

At 7:32 PM , Blogger Aleta said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

At 7:33 PM , Blogger Aleta said...

Fod help me but -- George Michael's Father Figure kind creeps me out.

At 9:02 PM , Blogger FabulousLorraine said...

Sadly, I missed the whole WHAMM thing, I think I was hanging with a whole lot of down and dirty alt at that time.

Minneapolis had Replacements, Soul Aslym, and Husker Du playing every week.

Who esle? I may need to do an 80's music blog coming up, there was a LOT of great stuff that came out. And msot of it you would never hear on the rasio, except way left of the dial.

At 9:03 PM , Blogger FabulousLorraine said...

Actually, I just ranted on rock so we would hit 60 comments. There,I have donfessed my sin for the week. Fod isn't interested.

Fod is rocking to some early Clash.

At 9:05 PM , Blogger FabulousLorraine said...

And yes, that is correct. We don't CONfess, we DONfess here with Fod.

A religion based on ypos, I love it.

At 9:07 PM , Blogger FabulousLorraine said...

Note to self: Stop typing in the dark or who knows what will happen.

At 9:37 PM , Blogger ariandalen said...

How's this, Ms. Fabulous: we kneel before Fod in order to receive Theobroma's kiss. Either that, or because the supplicant needs to be hit up 'side the head with a Silly Stick. That way s/he can't avoid it.

With apologies to Bill Cosby:

"Kitty. This is Fod."

"Wait. The GSL is on the line, I've got 10 Neverwear tees to send out, and I need to pack for the Jonas Brothers tour."

"Kitty. This is FOD."

"Right. Who are you really?"

"Kitty, I need you to build a buffet. It should be two cubits tall, by one cubit deep, and, oh...let's say 20 cubits long."

"Right. What's a cubit?"

"You should stock the buffet with all foods that bring pleasure. All foods containing my Daughter, Theobroma, should be included. Cream that has been whipped and chilled should be in abundance, as should pies of all manner fruit. do not forget the Wholly (grain) Rolls. These, and other light weight foods, should be provided for the FOF and bunnies."

"Right. Who are the FOF, and why are bunnies with them?"

"Kitty, you shall prepare this, and partake of it. For this is your Manna Fest Destiny."

I think I better find a place to hide for a while. ;)

At 10:21 PM , Blogger spacedlaw said...


We are not worthy!
(Whoever wrote that line? Of course we are worthy! With a vengeance too! How dare we not to be?)

Who else in the early 80's?
Adam and the Ants!
The Gogoes

At 7:45 AM , Blogger FabulousLorraine said...

Arialdalen, you slay me...

The Pouges for sure, Siouxie, X, , Speciman, Elvis Costello, . I'll have to do some tea and add to this list. There was just so MUCH going on them, and it went so many directions, and moving into the 90's, was such an exciting time, as ANYONE could play music and make cd's and put them out.

You no longer NEEDED a big record company, you could make your own cd, find an indie label, and all of a sudden it wasn't suits making the calls.

(tho it is sad that so many of the bands when they did end up signing with big labels, kiss of death.I think mostly of bands like Replacements, Soul Aslyum, Waterboys, REM, even bands like U2 who are obviously very successful, can't much listen anything after Joshua Tree)

Real music isn't something you put together in a package to make millions of $$. But this is another blog. It is something I think about a lot tho.


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