Tuesday, June 03, 2008

Exploding Meat

Not what I had planned to talk about tonight, but this sort of thing, thankfully, doesn't happen often...

I was cutting up some semi frozen beef today, I had tried the electric knife, which was useless, didn't make a dent, and so went for the Big Knives. Very sharp, the Big Knives. Cut thru anything.

(before you start worrying, and cutting to the end of this story, yes, I still have all my fingers)

I was halfway thru, when there was a BANG and a FLASH and the smell of gunpowder, like fireworks!

Huh???

THIS has never happened before!

I mean, Exploding Meat???? This can't happen. But it did. Took two small bits of the, very expensive Chef Knife. I got out of there, I mean, what was it going to do next, for an encore?

I searched the Internet, looking for every variation on Exploding Meat. I called Malena to see if this was some sort of Angry Spirit problem we needed to take care of. I asked the Dog who thought that it was fine and said that he was more than willing to take the bullet (as it well might have been) and try some.

No answers.

Ok, I thought. I must go Back To The Meat. There must be answers.

Unfortunately, for me, there in fact WAS an answer.

Apparently, when you put the meat on the cutting board, and unwrap it, leaving the Meat Paper to cut on, if you have SOMEHOW run the oh-so-very-still-plugged-in electric knife's CORD under the paper, it IS possible, if you have a Very Sharp Knife, to cut thru the meat AND the cord.

Which being plugged in makes for a heck of an explosion. And tho it will not kill you, good safety tip here...Don't try this at home.

Or you will have to buy your Boss, in all fairness, a new electric knife and a new Very Expensive Japanese Big Knife.

Love and Exploding Meat,
Lorraine

49 Comments:

At 6:14 PM , OpenID kali-licious said...

Whoa scary! I'm glad you're ok.

 
At 6:21 PM , Blogger FabulousLorraine said...

I'm just fine, but, yes, scary.

It's a good thing tho, that it happened, or I would have had to write about the other exciting things I did today..Bought new ink for the printer, re-planted the tomatoes, stopped at the bank, little assistanty bits...

I mean, when you think about it, it was a good thing, this Exploding Meat.

 
At 6:22 PM , Blogger Phiala said...

Wow, exciting!!!! My resident knifemaker, after having your tale read to him, offers to reprofile the knife for you, pointing out that middling-grade Big Japanese Knives can still be several hundred dollars. It won't be as good as new, I imagine, but would still be quite good, and vastly superior to pitching it. Trade ya for some honey!

 
At 6:37 PM , OpenID pantagruel said...

Now that is impressive! Dude.

When I get back to my office, I have a link to some truly fearsome Japanese knife makers, who forge them by hand, for reasonable prices. These knives can turn an eggplant into a Slinkie, they're so good. (somewhere, I have photos of this).

So very glad you're okay! (you are now the Queen of Dork, though *wink*)

 
At 6:39 PM , Blogger Phiala said...

Oh, useful information - resident knifemaker is www.nickhyle.com

He's pretty good, though I admit I'm kind of biased.

 
At 6:43 PM , Blogger FabulousLorraine said...

Phiala, welcome and yes, please! Can you drop me an e-mail? I think still, karmicly, kind of owe Boss a new one, but then I would have a nice knife, if we re-did this one...

Yeah. Dork is me. Just call me electra...

 
At 7:09 PM , Blogger merryhousekeeper said...

OMG! I missed it! Bugger! LOL, Glad you didn't get zapped... trip the breaker?? I always wanted to watch a knife get forged.. Did Cabal get somewhat cooked meat then? hee hee

 
At 7:16 PM , Blogger Maureen said...

Woah! I think you trumped my Day of Weird - I had to be rescued by our handyguy when my office chair revolted and tried to swallow me alive. I was only in danger of a broken arm - electrocution definitely tops that. And no meat exploded during the Chair Incident. I'm glad you survived to tell the tale.

Do you remember comparing bathroom pics last year seeing who had the worst one, and I "won" (dubious honor to be sure)? Well, mine is well on the way to being no longer a health hazard and I was wondering if you'd tackled yours yet. If not, I can't wait to hear the adventures that come out of that projet (all projects have stories... some kind of rule,I think). I'm all happy and giddy tonight because I have sparkly copper fairydust grout (or maybe it's the lacquer thinner fumes...)

 
At 7:29 PM , Blogger EmilyLady said...

...

...

...

I'm sorry. I just can't think of anything clever or witty to say to this. I'm kind of muddled in the brain due to an illness and just can't deal with the idea (or possibility) of exploding meat right now.

Maybe tomorrow.

Good-night.

~Emily

 
At 8:13 PM , Blogger Dancing Liza said...

Ha ha ha! That title could be used to descrbe the music coming from the 2nd floor of my house right about now!!!! My boy and your boy are making the most beatiful music together! Can't wait for Mid-Summer's Eve!!!

With all my love,
Your Fire!

 
At 8:21 PM , Blogger Neil said...

I think you should tell the version that has me coming home from a day's recording and being told about exploding meat and the probability of bullets in cows, and then inspecting the knife, and lifting the burned paper to reveal the wire. It's how I would tell it, and I felt like Sherlock Holmes, if only a little. (grin)

 
At 8:32 PM , Blogger Malena said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

 
At 8:34 PM , Blogger Malena said...

Knives, explosions? Damn baby! Why wasn't I there? I would have saved you with my special powers! FOr once, I could have saved YOU! Or at least had a blast with the knives. "A girl needs a knife"

 
At 8:39 PM , Blogger ivenotime said...

oh. my. cow bullets. and Lorraine, if I were you I would've been Out of the Kitchen and maybe the house while explaining Why Meat Might Explode. That is the funniest thing I have heard all day, and thank goodness you weren't hurt. (oh and Kitty, and Malena, great pics on previous post - sounds like it was a hectic couple of days - and i agree that asking forgiveness is preferable to asking permission - my goodness, the blog moves at the speed of light.and dan is the evil genius in the flesh) Thanks Lorraine, for making me laugh-just watched my last kid's graduation from h.s., and was feeling pretty sad til i read this. You are a dear.

 
At 8:45 PM , Blogger FabulousLorraine said...

Well, Boss, you do speak truth in fact, I cannot deny it. It did happen that way. I was pretty shaken and had not gone back to the meat, but rather ran to the car as he got out, saying I am not on drugs but get this....

He WAS the one who figured it out. Sherlock indeed! (wasn't going to bring him into this, but since he seems pretty pleased with himself..We did laugh at me..)

Emily, fell better, I am happy you posted even if you didn't have anything to say, get well soon!

Maureen, hmmm...nope don't remember that one, re-fresh my memory...

My fire!!!! Welcome to the blog! Do I take this to mean that Paul and yr Dylan are practicing for the live recording??? Yes, Dylan Hatch, who played with Lojo Russo in Funks Grove, is going to be with us for the Paul and Lorraine CD.

 
At 10:37 PM , Blogger Aleta said...

Wow. Never a dull moment in the life of Lorraine! I thought my day was exciting (I went to the Obama speech) but this takes the cake!

I am glad (?) that there was no bullet in the cow and that there was a discernible cause. I am also very glad you are okay!

 
At 10:44 PM , Blogger spacedlaw said...

Ha! I think my mom did that once . She also managed to make all fuses go in that instance (Queen of Electricity she is) so I suppose you were doubly lucky. Although the sudden absence of lighting in all the house would have been a clear sign of what might have gone wrong.

Glad you survived, though. It could have been nasty.

Good news about Dylan (if I remember rightly he was playing with you and LoJo on Valentines day? I think there's a picture of him floating somewhere on my computer).

 
At 12:13 AM , Blogger Dancing Liza said...

Thanks for the sweet welcome, Love! Yes, they were rehearsing; you will be pleased. Even the neighbors were commenting, "What's going on up there?"

And, IMHO, The Boss should feel like Sherlock...same intellectual prowess. Nothing gets by that guy.

G'night, and Gods bless all here.

 
At 3:39 AM , Blogger Dan Guy said...

I liked my theory about pockets of methane gas trapped in the frozen beef, a steel knife, and a flint cutting board. Still, if I must be out-Sherlocked by someone I could certainly have done worse.

I'm so glad you're alright and didn't get electrocuted or take any shrapnel, Lorraine!

 
At 5:04 AM , Blogger LauraJ said...

I must tell the electric knife factoid: Apparently when they first came out, they had to PUT a buzzing noise in, because people kept testing to see if the knives were even on by touching the edge with their fingers...

http://www.cowswithguns.com/cowmovie.html

 
At 6:10 AM , Blogger FabulousLorraine said...

Apparently, I just discovered, I did manage to blow some fuses.....Not, however, the whole house.

Yes, you guys got out Sherlocked indeed!

I can't wait to hear what Paul and Dylan came up with. It may have been a mistake to leave such evil alone together, you know boys.....

And what, one wonders, will happen today????

 
At 6:19 AM , Blogger Phiala said...

The story gets more entertaining! Mysteries, Sherlock, cow bullets...

Tune in next time for the next installment in our serial feature, "Exploding Meat"!

I sent you an email about knives to a bigfoot address I scrounged up somewhere, but since I have no idea if that is a valid or current address, you can also reach me through www.stringpage.com

 
At 6:28 AM , Blogger FabulousLorraine said...

I had thought that e-mail was old, but it came thru, I'll drop you a line later, and many thanks!

Yes, stay tuned for the next exciting episode of Exploding Meat! Cow bullets, electric knives, Sherlock Holmes!!!

Laurj, too funny!

 
At 6:29 AM , Blogger spacedlaw said...

You'll discover that the fuses from some crucial part of the house were blown up (freezer are a favourite, as it takes a while to show), will burn all the rest of them trying to replace the defective one, will have to go on one of these errands - no one single shop having the whole set of fuses that you need - and come back to find dog eating happily the content of the defective freezer.

Joking! I hope NOTHING exciting happens today. How is your knee, by the way?

 
At 7:15 AM , Blogger Malena said...

I'm all about blowing up things. I'm a total pyro...not that any of you are surprised. Thank goodness you are ok! And thank goodness you have such a great boss.

 
At 7:23 AM , Blogger Dan Guy said...

You only *think* you left the electric knife plugged in beneath the paper. Actually it was an assassination attempt by Ninja Anti-Assistant Strike Team Echo (NAAST-E).

"You will die by the tip of my swwwwwword!"

 
At 7:35 AM , Blogger Aleta said...

There are multiple great book ideas in these past few adventures of yours. The Adventures of the Fabulous Lorraine, Personal Assistant It could include the so-called real story, which is of course great all on its own, AND the alternate versions. Dan's ninga story for example. I also like the idea that your Boss has a secret life as the Sherlock Holmes of Domestic Mysteries.

So many ideas so little time!

 
At 7:45 AM , OpenID pantagruel said...

I dug up the Japanese knife website and emailed it to you. Ignore the horrid site design, though.

You might be onto something, calling Malena about the Angry Spirits -- given the amazingly high number of near-disasters you've had lately, I'd start hedging my bets and leaving out milk for the Fey. Just sayin'. ;)

Emily, I hope you feel better soon!

Maureen -- there was a 'worst bathroom' contest? Are the pics still up? I think my current one could be a serious contender...

Ivenotime -- congratulations!

 
At 8:16 AM , Blogger FabulousLorraine said...

Come out here, Malena, and we will blow things up together. And you can play with the bats again. (THAT is some fun, watching her lure bats!)

If it had happened at my house it would have been NAAST-E , as I am quite certain Venus and Mim are involved with them, but it's hard to suspect the dog.

Spacelaw, of course it's more fun if it is the freezer going, might be days before we noticed.

Ah, Adventure Land.

Not much so far today, Venus took down the vanity in the bathroom and I think I have talked Lawn Girl out of weed-wacking the currents. Sherlock is off at the studio, and I am going to plant Sunflowers.

But hey, it's early yet....

 
At 12:07 PM , Blogger ariandalen said...

I'm glad you're okay. A shard of knife in the eye would NOT be a good part of the day.

Welcome, Phiala! Nice to have another weaver around, especially one that does tablet weaving! :)

::sigh:: Life is rather hectic in my part of Texas. DD1 is "graduating" from kindergarten tomorrow (Thursday), both DDs had their last dance class yesterday, and then there is their dress rehearsal and recital Saturday. So what happens to me? I wake up with pink eye last Saturday, and now can't drive until (hopefully) tomorrow when I am no longer putting drops in my eyes. Why can't I drive, you ask? Because I wear contact lenses and haven't had a new pair of glasses made since eighth grade, and those where thrown away at least 10 years ago. So I sit around wearing glasses that were bought when I was in fifth grade because they are marginally better than nothing. Do they fit? No. Are they stylish? Not particularly as they are cat-eyes from 35 years ago. Now off to put more drops in eyes.

 
At 12:46 PM , Blogger FabulousLorraine said...

Ariandalen, you have my total sympathy! Except, umm..Cat eyed glasses from 35 years ago are really really cool. Especially if they have rhinestones...I'd kill for a pair.

No more meat has exploded.

Boring.

 
At 1:41 PM , Blogger ariandalen said...

No. No rhinestones. The left earpiece is held in place by a bent and cut short straight pin because the screw fell out. The earpieces are also too short, i.e. they do not reach the back of my ears. I also have a pair that was either my first, or second pair of glasses, which are cat-eyes, too. Very much don't fit as I have been wearing corrective lenses since I was 13 months old, or a month longer than you made your first appearance on Earth. Well, this time around anyway. ;)

 
At 1:50 PM , Blogger Phiala said...

Hi Ariandalen, and thanks for the welcome. It's fun to run into someone who knows about tablet weaving.(String is good!) I'm a weaver and fiber artist, and my partner is a knifemaker, so between us we have all
kinds of tools and supplies and equipment.

 
At 2:21 PM , Blogger Maureen said...

I only remember it because Fablo, you were talking about an amazing old fashioned bath tub that you were tossing out - and I was in the process of seeking out an old fashioned tub. It seemed everyone was re-doing a bathroom.

If the link thingie works, you can click here If not, it's October 8th 2007 and titled Birds and Bathrooms (or something like that). Gotta go... tornado sirens *again* and it looks funny....

 
At 2:49 PM , OpenID pantagruel said...

Ariandalen, you're forgetting the real purpose of glasses: protective eyewear to save your corneas from Exploding Meat! ;)

NAAST-E… dude, I bet the bees are part of it!

How are the Jungle Loves, by the way?

 
At 3:37 PM , Blogger FabulousLorraine said...

Oh THAT worst bathroom contest. I still do want to get rid of the tub and put in a washer dryer, it would be SO nice to have them on the same floor as all of the clothes...

Aridalen, I see your point. This cannot be any fun at all.

Phiala, I am sending you the knife tomorrow, this may sound silly, since yr partner makes knives, but be careful, it is REALLY sharp. Can you take before and after pictures for me?

I am going to borrow aa camera tonight and try and get pics of everyone, and talk abut JL1 and 2, they haven't been getting time lately.

They Really Need A Good Home........

(Subtle, aren't I????)

 
At 4:27 PM , Blogger ivenotime said...

yes,subtlety is one of your foremost qualities ;) Welcome to phiala and dancing Liza! and LauraJ, too funny about adding noise to electric knives - too bad they can't make dental drills that quiet! and I agree that a washer and dryer on the same floor as the clothes sounds like heaven, especially since i just brought up three loads of laundry to the bedrooms. hope kitties are doing well - look forward to some pics of them.

 
At 5:25 PM , Blogger Dancing Liza said...

Wow, look what happens when a girl goes off to work for the day--a huge conversation takes place!

Thanks everyone for the hellos, and hello back to all (esp. the other "new kid" Phiala) !

Maureen, I hope you didn't get hit by any twisters.

Lauraj--the buzzing on the electric knives--how morbidly believable. People can be so witless sometimes.

Danguy--I like your hypothosis about trapped Methane gas--*grins*--I think you can safely take away the "Dr. Watson" title from the whole contest. (though, I just read your NAAST-E comment...maybe you are Moriarity after all...)

Which brings me to the mischief that two boys can get up to when left to their own devices (or should I say vices?) Dylan did make a recording for practice purposes. If I understand such wizardy, I believe it is possible for him to send you (Quiche) an MP3 or two if you are interested. Or would you rather wait and be surprised on Friday night?

 
At 5:28 PM , Blogger Dancing Liza said...

Don't you hate it when you proofread something and find a spelling error only after you publish???

Grrr.

 
At 5:39 PM , Blogger Hera said...

hee hee hee.. that's an adventure :)

On cats and electricution:
When I was little, my grandparents had a cat called Gormur (Slinky) and one day.. all the power went off.. It turns out Slinky had bitten into a lamp chord.. He survived, but the lips on one side of his face sort-of melted.. when he was healed (due to many applications of hand-cream) he ended up with a permanent lopsided grin...

 
At 6:12 PM , Blogger FabulousLorraine said...

Yes, how were the twisters? I am hoping for some excitement tomorrow...

Hera, very funny! But please, don't give the Bengals any more ideas! And oh, love the new music on yr site! Can't wait to get your cd!

My Fire! A recording? Yes, please, have him send them, would love to hear what they came up with. WIll you be there on Friday? (And I still can't find the spelling error, hee-hee!)

I have lots of fun things I want to write about, but sadly, they may have to wait for tomorrow, several more hours of work yet for me tonight. we'll see how late it gets......

 
At 6:17 PM , Blogger Phiala said...

Y'all are a friendly bunch - thanks for the warm welcome. (I lived in the South for long enough to learn to love the third person plural, very useful construct.)

Lorraine, knives should be sharp, especially Big Japanese Knives. Rest assured that we'll be careful, and that it will come back at least as sharp as when it left (assuming it's fixable, of course).

I'm intrigued by the methane hypothesis, even if disproven. This has potential, though I'm not sure a flint cutting board would be all that useful. Wouldn't you get flint chips in your food? And those things are sharp! But methane pockets... you could invent self-barbecuing beef!

 
At 7:40 PM , OpenID pantagruel said...

Hera, my younger sister once did the same thing as Gormur; how odd! My sister was nicknamed 'Destructo.' (Trust me, it was well-deserved.)I may have to pass that nickname on, after the last couple of weeks you've had, Lorraine...

Dan Guy as Moriarty. heading up NAAST-E -- I like it.

And a tardy welcome to the new folks!

 
At 9:02 PM , Blogger FabulousLorraine said...

Ya'll make me laugh. I love ya'll so.

(WHich is most likely not proper SOuthern SPeak, but I am indeed a Northern girl...

Pantagruel, my weeks are ALL like this, I just blog more now....

 
At 11:19 PM , OpenID kali-licious said...

Whew! So many posts when I disappear for a day.
*waves hello to all the new folks*

Isn't it good to have Mr Holmes for a boss? (And that was some impeccable timing, getting home just after said explosion.;)

Dan: Your theory made me grin.

Ariandalen: You have my deepest sympathies with the pinkeye. I had it when I had contacts a couple of times. Luckily I had glasses that weren't that old, but they were held together with tape.;) Hope you feel better today.

 
At 7:24 AM , OpenID pantagruel said...

They're all like this?

In that case, we should have a vote as to your new nickname: 'Destructo' or 'Queen of Dork.' ;)

 
At 12:52 PM , Blogger ariandalen said...

Kali-licious my eyes really haven't felt all that bad. I just can't wear my contacts so that I can drive. What I have to do is make an appointment with the eye clinic, then actually fill the prescription for eyeglasses, as well as contacts (probably). I really need bifocal glasses. I have to use reading glasses even with contacts on. This just wasn't the week to be without contacts. Though it could be worse and be the next two weeks when DDs have daily swim lessons 20+ miles away.

 
At 6:41 PM , Blogger Heidi said...

I have to say that my husband once cut through the extension cord for the hedge-trimmer while trimming hedges. I was watching and I couldn't get his attention before it happened. (The cord was on top of the hedge he was trimming) Fortunately, there was no explosion or spark or electrocution. We did get a good laugh out of it and a new cord.

 
At 2:22 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

To tell the truth…

 

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