Fey, but in a different way.....

What can I say, our little vampire was out in full force last night. Malena and I were on Skype as she was getting ready for her Malena Collection photoshoot. If it's after 6 pm, that girl never shuts up. And IF you can keep up with her ADHD way of multitasking, she's quite entertaining, even with eyelash glue in her eye.

The sweet maternal empath we all know and love slowly diminishes as the day turns to night. The lights are getting set up, the backdrops are going up. Her favorite new photographer David Betances shows up and immediately she goes from her hoser, "Fablo, How's it goin' ah?" to "Ciao DarlinGGGgg!" Gushing about the shots and the makeup and hopping about like a Mexican Jumping Bean. (It's amazing what I can pick up on over the phone, knowing her the way I do. Not to mention all the static as the mic IS in her bra!)

On this shoot, she dragged her friend Kristina she met at the Trillium Sports Medicine to model with her. (Hey, she's a blonde boxer who can bench press 230. No wonder why she gets along with our little Harpie!) Wait for the photos and you'll see what I mean. Kristina finally gets to look at her face and sighs with uncertainty and excitement, "I look like a Blonde Malena".

Malena is so thrilled with her handly work on Kristina's face. It's funny, Malena HAS a pro makeup artist, but she prefers to do it herself. "I refuse to look like a homogenized androgenous 12 year old!" she says, "And that's what mainstream modeling looks for. I'm built like a woman and if they don't like it, they don't have to look at me!" ( I agree with her 120%!)

Now we go into look at the corsets she has out...." I'm taking you into the dressing room now Dev, I've got 1/3 of the Alter Ego line out and you can't see the floor, or the bed in here! I can't do all this tonight!....Ewwwwwwwww, we'll just have to do another shooooooot." she gushing, useing her high pitched Mafioso jersey girl accent. I could almost hear David's face hit the floor.

I must say, if there was a catagory for "Most Leather clothing" in the Guinnes Book of World Records, Malena would own the title hands down. When I mention this, she quickly explains how the leather comes from a butcher plant in Pakistan where they eat the beef and then the leather is either disgaurded, or used for clothing. (It makes her feel better about wearing death, she says.) Malena loves animals and grew up on her grandpa's farm until the age of 13. Hard to imagine, huh! When I tell her how strange she is, she quickly jumps in to gross me out even further by telling me how she helped her grandpa gut a deer when she was 11. "I wanted to see all the organs and what they looked like!" she exclaims innocently. I was well past the nausea stage at this point, begging her to SHUT UP on the gorey details she so LOVES to torture me with.

Finally David is ready for her and off she goes. The innocent dork is now completely painted away. Her glance is now fierce as if the camera was something edible that she was hunting. I've assisted her on plenty of these shoots and it's hillarious. No one could be more politically INcorrect, giddy, and ostentatious on camera than Malena. She can make a sailor blush IF she is working. When she's not, she makes the best soccer moms appear vulgar, wearing Miles sweats and his "oatmeal sweater" that literally looks like it's nickname. Her local "produce dude" really did ask her if she had a TWIN sister that dressed up really sexy. Without hesistation, she said,
"Yeah, her name's Malena." and kept walking, sweats bagging around her ankles like a rapper gone homeless.

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It's the day after now (2:30 pm) and Malena sounds like a dying crow on the phone. "We took over a THOUSAND photos Dev! Wait till you see them!" she wispers in her morning voice. (Sounds like Kathleen Turner before all the cigarettes) Malena loves to dress people up and make them feel pretty. That's the reason for her clothing line.

And so my LaMie friends,

THIS is what it's like to have a nocturnal best friend weirdo named Malena. After all this, I often ask myself if there are two, three or make that, LEGIONS of Malena's in that curvy body of hers.... or is she just a good actress. For reasons of my sanity, I choose to believe the later.

Off to take a nap from the TEVES house insanity,

Lorraine

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